Posts tagged God's Love Story
I am Loved

And when I realize this, that the greatest part of my being is that I am deeply and unconditionally loved, it makes me desperate to share the realness and the ability to feel this with those whose greatest feeling in their being right now is a lack of love.

Because this person that I am now, this loved and accepted and grace covered person, is not who I once was.

I spent many days and nights feeling
unloved.
unwanted.
not enough.
overwhelmed.
under qualified.
cast aside.
never good enough.

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I am a Child of God

As our Pastor taught, he mentioned John 14:18 and I had this moment of connection to the angst the disciples must have felt knowing that their leader, their teacher, their beloved, their Messiah, was leaving them.

And I thought of my own children — when I leave them, even though I know it’s temporary — it pains me to see them distraught — and what do I want for them? My hope is that they will have gathered enough courage, comfort, and confidence in their time with me that they go into the environment I’m sending them without hesitation. That they can draw on our time together and what I have taught them, that their spirit is settled in the midst of the unfamiliar because they know who they are and whose they are and they truly believe that I am always coming back to them — so there is no doubt in their precious hearts.

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A New Creation

And so I found myself faced with this question — do I really want to be a follower of Jesus?
When I really begin to understand what that looks like, when I dig into scripture while also expanding my world view beyond American Christianity, it’s astounding how much more there was to what I thought I knew, and how much heavier it weighed.

To be completely honest, for a moment in time, I really wasn’t sure.
I wrestled with the whys and the hows and the what ifs of it all. I struggled with feeling like I really didn’t understand what I was getting myself into when I declared myself a Christian however many years ago and I wasn’t sure I wanted everything that actually came with it.

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Once Upon a Time

Back then, I didn’t know Jesus.

I knew *of* Him…

I was real scared of hell and a big fan of Jesus.

But I hadn’t actually encountered Him yet.

I had no idea what it looked like to follow Him outside of the checkboxes of religion — and y’all, I really like checkboxes. As much as I can rebel against being told what to do, I love to know what to do and get to cross it off my list!

That’s the beginning of my story — for a twenty-something church girl, it seemed to take a lifetime to find my lifeline.

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Reflections on Father’s Day: 40 Years as a Child of God

Everyone is called by a name, but few get the honor to call someone by such a personal, intimate name like father or daddy. It does not require a personal relationship to call a man by their given name such as David, Paul, or Michael. But calling someone father or daddy, this is personal. This is reserved for a special relationship, a unique privilege for a son or daughter.

Contributing to “the act” of a baby coming into this world can be relatively easy, fun, and enjoyable. It doesn’t take necessarily a strong man to make this kind of contribution. But fathering a baby is not being a father. Fatherhood is an honor. Fatherhood is a responsibility that requires great sacrifice.

This year, Father’s Day is particularly meaningful and personal for me. Today, I celebrate 40 years of calling God my Father—having a personal relationship with God as my Father and being His child. As a young six year old girl on a Father’s Day Sunday afternoon, I knelt beside my parent’s bed and gave Jesus my life and entered into the family of God. Calling God, the Creator of heaven and earth, father or daddy is extremely personal for me. It is not a formal relationship, but rather a father/daughter relationship with on-going conversation that is 24/7. A lot of people refer to God as God, but do not have a personal relationship to call Him Father or Daddy.

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Desiring God's Presence

Having moved 2000 miles from VA to TX, I dove into the study of Moses and I assumed the Lord would ask me to stop my complaining. I just survived a hot Houston summer, bugs the size of small rodents, and a record flood and hurricane season, but hey who is complaining? Of course the passages on the grumbling Israelites would put me in my place. Much to my surprise, the Lord had a bigger issue in my heart, which needed tending to.

Week after week, I was continually drawn to Moses himself as so many aspects of his life and his walk I admired and desired to strive towards. I spent many hours thinking about how desperately Moses desired the Lord’s presence above all and it was this very thing, his intimate face-to-face relationship with the Lord, which made the difference in his life. The Lord promised Moses victory over his enemies, promised him land flowing with milk and honey BUT Moses knew the better choice. Moses was willing to give up all those things and stay camped in the desert if the Lord refused to go on with them. Moses wanted the Lord’s presence!

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"I am Singing over You" Love, God

Years ago, while going through a season where my perception of God’s love for me was challenged, there were several days that I had a few lines from a song stuck in my head.  That is not that unusual; we’ve all had that happen.  What was unusual, was that I hadn’t heard this particular song in years, not even it’s melody had come across my path.  Just a few lines from the song kept repeating in my mind.  I’m not even sure I could recall the rest of the song; it was obscure and I had only ever heard it a few times, at best.  

After a few days while humming it and going about mundane tasks, I felt that still, small voice speak to my spirit and I was thunderstruck.  “Meg, you are hearing the song I am singing over you.”  A passage in scripture, that always makes me smile is Zephaniah 3: 17 where the prophet says the Lord will rejoice over His people with singing. 

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ps... I Love You!

She crawled up into the seat next to me and looked up into my eyes with a sparkle in hers. I brushed a whisp of hair off her face, over her cheek, and something about that moment overwhelmed me with the need to tell her I loved her. She hadn’t done anything special, it was as ordinary a moment as any, an in-between moment even, but with her attention fixated on me it welled up inside me just the same and I felt compelled to make sure she knew.

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Adoption: Welcoming Sons and Daughters

Adopting was indeed, a very different story.  There was a mountain of paperwork, interviews, and fingerprints to be examined.  And then there was the waiting.  Throughout the whole experience there were a lot of questions, some that we did not see coming or know how to answer right away.  We had not anticipated the level of detail that the adoption application itself would entail.   Would we accept a child or any race or ethnic background?  If not, which ones?  What if the biological family had a history of cancer?  How about mental illness?  What if the mother smoked, drank alcohol, or took drugs while pregnant?  And if some drugs were ok, which ones weren’t?  What if the child was the “product” of a rape?  How about multiples?  Some of these questions were “easy”, and others stopped us in our tracks and caused us some considerable thought and discussion, as we wanted to make sure we were equipped to handle any situation that might come along—as if that’s even possible!  

Other  “interesting” questions came from the people around us.  Perhaps they meant well, but their questions indicated to us that they were leery of adoption.  “Do you think you will be able to love both the children the same even though one is yours and one isn’t?”  “Why would you want to raise someone else’s kid?”  Wow.  It was hard sometimes to not be defensive since we knew this was the plan for our family, and we had little doubt that we would love our adopted baby just as much as Emily.  

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